Likely if you have been unfortunate enough to be fooled or nearly destroyed by a Narcissist or Sociopath you share two things in common with other victims, one, you have an amazing heart. That part may not surprise you, of course you have to have a beautiful heart to love such ugly souls.
The other thing you share in common may come as a surprise, you are highly intelligent. Maybe you forgot that, maybe you have been defined by your choice to even involve yourself with such a horrible person instead of understanding that it was not stupidity that led you there but instead a heart of gold and a need to love the unloveable.
I was certain that I was on the lower side of the IQ scale after my relationships and during them. I can not tell you how many times I would pound my steering wheel, tears in eyes, thinking ‘stupid, stupid, stupid.’ I felt fooled, the chances I handed out were like candy being thrown from a float at a parade, some wasted, some eagerly grabbed up by people who could care less about anything aside from getting their greedy little hands on them.
In reality however I was unaware of just how much more intelligent I was compared to my abusers. Sure, maybe I had a knack for choosing the wrong people, I certainly did not always make clear minded decisions but I was not unable to, I was just driven by their deception.
We are strong people, us victims, we go through things that the average person can not fathom. That strength is a part of our intelligence, we are survivors, we are adaptable, we are free thinkers chained to people who never could understand our minds. Put us in a forest with nothing and we can build a kingdom. They, our lowly abusers can not do anything productive alone, their whole existence is based upon what others can do for them.
My abusers have all said the same thing to me, no lie, each of them, “You are too nice.” That kindness is not something I am ashamed of, it’s a burden at times but it is actually again a part of the intelligence. We are compassionate. Compassion and intelligence go hand in hand. We see beyond the surface, we feel deeper, love harder and give more because we are aware of the human condition.
When we are fed up enough to fight back it is shocking to our abusers, they never saw how we could win, they always thought they had control. We are the kings and queens of strategy, we’ve had to become that way, our entire existence with these people, again, was based on the need to survive. When we eliminate our fear we become unstoppable something else happens, they begin to fear us.
They always knew we had something about us that they felt threatened by, otherwise they would not have this intense need to break us down. They never expected us to outsmart them though.
My abusers became laughable, they were like chickens with their heads cut off trying to figure out how to handcuff me to their problems again.
You see a person with a mental illness, which for all intensive purposes is exactly what they have, only sees what is in front of them and what they want in the moment. We have vision, drive and the brain power to succeed. When we decide that we are no longer going to placate them, they are powerless and their hand is exposed.
I said recently to a friend that throughout the investigation, which put my abuser in jail, his family and him kept throwing their cards on the table before I even had a chance to look at my hand. I realized then that they had no ability to truly win, when all of your cards are lies, crimes and dysfunction it’s as if you handed me all the aces and expected me to fold.
Narcissist target Empaths and this is actually a sign of their stupidity. A chihuahua would not go up against a pit bull in a dog fight, we are fierce, we are different and we are the eye of the storm. A beautiful calm, seemingly harmless, full of surprises.
Intelligent people do not depend of cheating, lying and ego. They would never stoop so low, they would never even try.
Empaths are by nature smart, artistic, insanely intuitive too. I remember saying to the prosecutor in my case when we discussed something that had happened because of this intuitiveness, “How can I see things the way I do and yet end up not seeing the bad in people before it’s too late.” This intuitive moment was actually only a part of the case because my Ex brought it up in his initial interview with the CID, I had many times shocked him with my insight or my “deep sense of knowing” about things that I should have not been able to know about. When I asked if he was trying to say this particular thing did not happen they told me he was more repeating it because he was impressed in a way.
They say impressed, I say scared. He never knew what hit him when I would counter his lies with my innate ability to see the truth. The time I dreamed the details of him cheating on me and confronted him about it, he was left to admit it happened. He was so angry and told me that it was an invasion of his privacy to dream about his life. Many times things like this would happen and he would look like a deer in the headlights, terrified.
The reason I did not see the bad in him all the time was simple, we see beyond, we see beauty in garbage, we can find good in anyone and again this does not qualify us as stupid, this gift is something that only a person with a high intelligence has. I have done some wonderful things with this ability and I have done some things I wish I had not done. Either way my brain was firing in places that the average brain can not.
I look back now and I see that while I loved him enough to stick around and watch his “sh*t show” I was taking notes and saving screenshots the whole time. Maybe I did not know why I was doing this, I never actually believed I would turn him in, somehow I was awake enough though to do so.
Empaths love to learn, we understand that the World is a tapestry of beautiful colors and fabrics, we want to reach out and touch each one, we want to know what drives people. Wanting to learn and knowing there is so much we do not yet know is another sign of intelligence. The Narcissist is drawn to us, like a bug to a bug zapper, we are illuminated and irresistible to them. They are not like us though, they do not want to learn about us they want to have what we have. We are drawn to them because we want to understand them, we are life’s students. They are merely a worn out text book. Predictable and virtually spineless.
Once we accept our gifts, intelligence and strengths we are their worst nightmare. You are not foolish because you were fooled, you are wise enough to find the truth and heal.